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mimi smartypants

By going online confession: I’ve just eaten a lot of a bag of organic cheez doodles. And therefore the fuck what about the “organic” portion, most definitely when that word is immediately accompanied by “cheez doodles.” Hooray, considerably cheaper in excess fat; hooray, no genetically modified components; hooray, natural and organic corn, etc. But still. Cheez doodles. There is certainly no honor in feeding on a bushel of cheez doodles, even faux-hippie cheez doodles. Every one of the manuscripts I tackle right now shall be stained orange, and my lips/mouth/tongue experience form of tender and weird through the inflow of salt and sharp corn edges. Oh, and naturally even though I was deep inside of a trance, looking at work-related product and chomping on reported natural cheez doodles, the primitive lizard portion of my mind seemingly resolved that my very own sock is going to be a wonderful site to wipe my dusty orange hand. Therefore I receive the Spaz Award, for that and for the subsequent rationale: Right away right after the Cheez-Sock Affair I tripped through very little when carrying a full cup of scorching tea and did a stunning clumsy pirouette and near-total-wipeout, christian louboutin replica spilling scalding Earl Gray around my boots and the hem of my skirt. Therefore the full reduced quarter of my entire body is stained, sullied, and besmirched. CLEANUP ON AISLE ME!

This morning, after a very mysterious and severe coughing in good shape (Shoutout To My Lungs: I smoked Not a thing very last evening, you fellas! What the fuck is your difficulty?), I checked my e-mail, for example the e-mail from my Yahoo Exclamation Issue account, which has been neglected for times now. Am i able to communicate for any second about how quite a bit I despise Yahoo Exclamation Point? Their mail plan is often a piece of shit. First of all of all, there is certainly anything completely wrong any time you assert to possess a “Spamguard” service but there’re routinely quite a few a little more parts of spammy crap in my in-box than there are actually in my “bulk mail” folder. I am not even absolutely sure why I also have a silly Yahoo Exclamation Place account, christian louboutin replica besides that, you already know, at times a woman has got to splash gasoline around the headquarters of her previous employer and toss a match, then hop a freight coach in the middle of the evening, arriving at dawn in certain peculiar town with a new identify, a fresh darkish evil function in everyday life, and also a new e-mail account. You understand, I am guaranteed.

I think we remaining the purpose back there inside of the highway somewhere, so let’s throw this little one into reverse and go pick it up. While Yahoo Exclamation Stage could be a highly frustrating entity, often times inside of the particularly early early morning I enjoy its quick-and-dirty newslink AP headlines about the aspect from the web site, just so I’m able to find out if any critical countries* blew up overnight. And in certain cases these news headlines are unintentionally horny and delightful and terrific and bizarre, replica shoes louboutin for example ,: Robot Probes Pyramid Shaft, Finds Impediment. (Here is the story, only using a less-sexy headline.) I mean in reality, only the word “finds” is lifeless pounds there. Pyramid. Probes. Shaft. Impediment. Robotic. Mmmmm. Now I would like to write down some cyberpunk egyptologist slash fiction.

(*You know, like Belgium. Or 1 of those bizarre Caribbean islands populated generally by billionaires and drugged-out movie stars.)

I’d to head over to a gathering at this time using a company bigwig (so distinct within the relaxation of us punywigs) who experienced to provide some bad economic news and hand down some unpopular cost-saving edicts and so on. And i was very receiving tense and irritable all through the conference owing to this man’s rhetorical style, which was to seize on a single vibrant metaphor and return to it periodically. This specific bigwig was keen on declaring “we’re not out of the woods yet” and “we’ve received a flashlight, and we are striving to generate a path outside of the woods” along with other woods-related imagery like that. The problem with colourful metaphors in general public speaking is usually that, to my intellect, the speakers don’t take the colourful metaphors far good enough. Why don’t you point out the wolves that little doubt lurk on the woods? Or perhaps the reality which the cause we are acquiring hassle making it outside of the woods is always that we ate fifteen hits of acid and now we’ve been much alot more interested by rolling all over naked in leaf mulch and hearing the stories that trees explain to? Why don’t you look at the member of our woods-traveling gathering who fell inside of the creek and now he will never discontinue bitching about his damp socks and boots and any person significantly will almost certainly smack him inside of the mouth until he shapes up? How about the poison ivy in a very quite, ahem, replica christian louboutinreplicas christian louboutin private area? Or how we’re stumbling around with our metaphorical flashlight, metaphorically hoping in order to make it out of the metaphorical woods, and we encounter the metaphorical decomposing torso of the alcoholic drifter from Alabama?

Male, they so will need to allow me to become a bigwig. I would give fine speeches, at the least. And i have been practising my sexual harassment knowledge as well. (“Hey sweetheart, these are some realistic perky boobies you bought there. What about receiving us some coffee?”)

I walked throughout the Michigan Avenue bridge right away and found how surprisingly reduced the railing is, and how a single could very successfully just hop ideal more than it and jump while in the Chicago River. Now, I do know that would not be considered a good idea, and that i don�?have any distinct urge to die by drowning, a broken neck at impact, and/or getting my pores and skin peel off from the many pollution. But I could hop over, and i desire the railing had been bigger to make sure that wouldn’t be an alternative.

Similarly, when i utilized to travel, I might feel: How do I understand which i will likely not just unexpectedly jerk the wheel for the still left and go head-on into oncoming highway visitors? I don’t suppose I would like to undertake that, but how can I’m sure which i will likely not have a peculiar momentary impulse and get it done in any case? Hey, I do silly shit on a regular basis. Stressing which i could do that resulted in obsessive, repetitive thoughts that i would do that, type of with no need of my brain’s consent any time you will, and resulted in even considerably less of the desire to drive.

(You: Hey Mimi Smartypants, can i borrow a cup of outrageous?)

(Me: Certain factor. I have obtained a sufficient amount.)

All I need for my birthday (which, granted, is just not for a while yet) is synthetic food items. Artificial food stuff, christian louboutin replica citizens. Artificial food items would thrill the trousers off me and go away me standing there in my unmentionables. Its so really difficult to make a decision, though! The cappuccino is pretty nice, but then there’s the recent canine plate. Otherwise you could just have a bunch of veggies and adorn all by yourself with them like a Yield Goddess. Get your broccoli on, newborn. Oh yeah. I like everything healthy like that.

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